tw csa/cocsa

2022.01.22 08:08 throwaway_927473 tw csa/cocsa

this is a repost from another sub with some minor edits for clarification reading ability now that i am no longer actively having a meltdown.
i am currently 18 and female.
when i was a child, 4 or 5, my grandfather touched me in my bed. i dont remember specifics, i just have a flash of a memory. i know it happened and i remember being in pain, followed by sexually inappropriate behavior for my age - my mother confirmed this.
between the ages of 6 and 10 i was sexually abused by members of my church, raped by a boy at my before-and-after school care, as well as groomed and non-contact assaulted by my father who is a known pedophile.
when i was 8 or 9 the younger brother of an older friend made me perform oral on him.
because of all this, i have always had an extremely skewed view on sex and such until i was about 16. but i was always the victim, in an extremely obvious way.
when i was 10-11 i was no longer the victim. i moved back in to my mother's house and when my sisters (at the time 5-6 and 4-5) played doctor or house with me i let them kiss and touch me, and i touched them back. we touched each others genitals and such, never any insertion or anything more.
i went on to be even more sexually assaulted through my life, plus non-contact csa through the internet.
i didn't realize that what i had done was wrong, or that i had even ever been wronged, was a while after i was diagnosed with ptsd at 13. i thought all of it was normal.
i feel immense guilt over this. my partner (that i live with) says it's not my fault. that i was too traumatized to know better. my friends say that because they initiated it, i wasn't at fault.
my sisters make their friends send me hate-mail through social media. they say i am a rapist. they contact my partner and say the same. because of my guilt ive already apologized profusely.
i don't know what to do, i don't know how to stop feeling such immense guilt. i feel like my partner and friends are biased towards me. i had been hurt so many times, i should have known better.
feel free to rip into me, or dm me shit, i don't care. i deserve all of it.
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2022.01.22 08:08 Modulage Non-engineer, need help to find infrastructure related knowledge

Hello engineers, the background to my request is this - I come from a fairly pure finance background, having worked with infrastructure investment funds for the last few years. However, I have recently made a career pivot and I’m now working in a medium sized infrastructure construction company (public tenders to build roads, bridges, tunnels, hospitals, things of that sort).
The reason I need help is that I realised pretty quickly that managing (for instance) a road as an investment has literally nothing in common with actually building a road, and I am so far out of my depth it’s not even funny. This does not directly impact my work as I’m mostly dealing with cost control and supplier relationships, however I think it’s important to at least have a basic grasp of the subject matter: stupid example, I need to be in a position that if someone tells me it’s a good idea to build a bridge purely out of glass, I can tell them they’re full of shit and bridges are generally built out of steel and concrete.
So what I’m asking is, are there any resources you guys can point me in the direction of (books, videos, online classes, podcasts) that cover the key concepts related to the construction of infrastructure projects, without spending too much time on the calculations and other technical aspects? To be clear, I’ll never be required to calculate the load that a bridge can support, but I would like to understand how a bridge is built and why certain materials are better than others in different situations.
Thanks for your attention, hope that was clear!
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2022.01.22 08:08 hQx7o7omMbZcBKLmG3bc 食生活の小さな変化で寿命が48分延び、環境負荷が33%減る

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2022.01.22 08:08 King_of_Spaceworms What to do if your player catches you off guard?

What if player asks about something that wasn't thought out and you couldn't possibly prepare for, and you need time to think about it. Is it ok to just tell them that you need some time and you will give them answer later? Or you have to think on spot. In that case what do you do if you blunder and say something that you want to change later?
P.S. I am talking about worldbuilding and more global stuff. If they ask about some NPC name you would have to improvise. Can't just tell them that he doesn't have a name yet
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2022.01.22 08:08 Deez-Spray Where do babies come from?

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2022.01.22 08:08 OOFgod19 It is done. PROOT!

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2022.01.22 08:08 Yotsuba177 How can I remove this wooden skirting board thing from my bedroom wall?

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2022.01.22 08:08 pencilbreads LBT 8006a 14l Daypack!

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2022.01.22 08:08 icsulescu98 Wwoof refund system is dysfunctional.

I made my account about one month ago to try wwoofing France until I get my school admission response (February). I was admitted, but in those weeks I was not able to find wwoofing, I made around 30 requests, from which 5 replied that they can't in January and another one was really interested but unfortunately had no more free spaces, but yet willed to host me if I had a van, which I didn't. I asked the support to close my account and get a refund since I have a 30 days right, but they told me that I should write to the hosts I sent a request to tell them that I cannot come anymore. Now, this is where it gets interesting, why I am supposed to write to a host that I cannot come anymore to a date that is already expired and most important, they probably never reply to me to at least decline it or even saw it but did not bother to reply?
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2022.01.22 08:08 PeterSWFL M4F 65 in the Cape

65 year old guy seeks female for fun in the cape.
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2022.01.22 08:08 Warm_Contribution_91 I made a compilation of every single best moment from every single Sidemen Sunday of 2021

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2022.01.22 08:08 Tommytoolbagg Will heavy training still decrease my levels?

If I’m on TRT and I have a very intense workout like for example something like a heavy lifting session followed up by hard jiu jitsu training, would this decrease my levels sooner and possibly warrant needing to take more following that session? Still feeling pretty run down from time to time. Thanks
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2022.01.22 08:08 loganf1107 Klee

What do you all like about the character of Klee?
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2022.01.22 08:08 EntrpreneurRhino Big 5: Connection to anxiety?

There is one thing that I don't understand about the big 5 test - how much does anxiety matter? Many people out there are agreeable and conscientious but their motivation is not "natural", in fact it comes from anxiety. Is there any information about that?
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2022.01.22 08:08 hardway2024 Killer crock / batman ?

What do you guys think the Killer Croc Batman price is going to be that after the drop? (guessdaments)
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2022.01.22 08:08 yamyamyami David Tolliver Lookalike

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2022.01.22 08:08 Existential_Fella You know what I'm somewhat an Anime ka 14 myself 🗿

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2022.01.22 08:08 unhallowed90 Member of Imperium wearing Adidas. The name of the founder? ADOLF Dassler. Vince cannot keep getting away with this.

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2022.01.22 08:08 DeeSaR47 ich_iel

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2022.01.22 08:08 Spavlia Robot vacuum escapes from Cambridge Travelodge

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2022.01.22 08:08 reksix tadı fanta gibi...

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2022.01.22 08:08 Bubo12 Lifesteal hotatsu

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2022.01.22 08:08 Wide-Aioli-8082 بابا مامان شماهم اینجوریه

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2022.01.22 08:08 harmonicdestruction This sub wants you to feel bad for everything you can't change about yourself

I've been observing and lurking some of the posts in here (and other dating subs) and what a cesspool of negativity and sadness.
Whenever someone is rejected, the comments (and sometimes OP himself) always come to the same conclusion: it's either their height, their ethnicity or their monetal status. And someone always links to some arbitrary study or sampling that shows yes indeed these random data has me doomed for the rest of my dating career and life.
Of course, everybody has preferences. These include but are not limited to what I mentioned in the second paragraph. It's just the tone and bitterness that has me perplexed. And honestly sometimes even I feel bad about myself after reading these (I'm a minority in my country and shorter than average). But I've had more casual sex partners and LTR's than my ”white” friends in my group. Stop limiting and self rejecting yourselves, and it will shine on in your personality and energy. She rejects you? Could be a million different reasons enough to fill the space between here and Mars that has nothing to do with things you can't control.
I know dating apps can be vain and shallow, and it seems most of posts here rant and vent about rejections from strangers who are probably shitting on their toilet while swiping out of boredom. Get out, log off and make up your own conclusions about dating and relationships. Don't self defeat yourself by reading all the bitterness and saltness in here.
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2022.01.22 08:08 Diligent-Spend5024 Will this work for me?

I am a 13 year old kid that weighs 77kg and i wanna lose weight.
i want to aim for about 50-60kg with no fat in maybe a year.
Will this work for me?
10,000+ steps a day only eating main meals not having sugary foods or drinks practising push ups daily
let me know in the comments if this will work and also some feedback/advice.
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